So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
