no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
