I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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