I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
