If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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