Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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