you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
