I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
