If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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