Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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