I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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