Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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