Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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