I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
