well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
