On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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