Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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