Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
