I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
