Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
