and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
