forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
