so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
