i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
