They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
