Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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