1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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