I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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