I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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