Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
