It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
