I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
