Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cockslap morals
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
