why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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