what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
