I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize