At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
