Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
