I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
