your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
