Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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