remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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