He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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