Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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