Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
