ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
