I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
