I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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