my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. Youโre good at sleeping with many men. Itโs an art.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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