they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
