you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
