For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
