cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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