You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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