Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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