You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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