Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
