I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm like, not good at living.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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