hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
