Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
