i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
