the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
