You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
