Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My bed smells like the plague
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
