Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
