Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
