Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
