dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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